Postpartum depression - is this normal?

Dec 151 min read

Our daughter is 8 weeks old and I'm struggling way more than I expected. Wife had the hard pregnancy, the labor—I logically know that—but I can't shake this feeling that I'm not doing enough, that I'm a terrible dad already, that everyone would be better off without me around. I'm not having thoughts about hurting myself but the intrusive thoughts are constant. I thought postpartum was just a mom thing? Has anyone else dealt with this?

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Comments(10)

MMack G.New DadDec 15

Yes this is real. Postpartum depression isn't just a mom thing, I'm glad you're talking about it. The guilt spiral of "I didn't carry her so I shouldn't be struggling" is a trap. Talk to your doctor

BBen H.RegularDec 16

Not doing enough is such a dad thing to feel but dude—you're there, you showed up for the labor, you're present now. That IS enough. The guilt you're describing is a symptom, not reality

RRyan M.RegularDec 16

I felt this exact same way when our first was born. The "not doing enough" feeling was crushing. Turned out I had PPD too. Once I named it and got help, everything shifted. You're not alone in this

RRob P.RegularDec 16

I had this exact thought pattern with my son. The guilt was crushing even though logically I knew I was doing fine. Turns out it was PPD. Started talking to someone at week 11 and the difference by week 16 was night and day. The fact that you're recognizing it now is actually huge.

CChris N.RegularDec 18

The 'not doing enough' voice in your head is lying. At 8 weeks you're feeding her, you're there, you're showing up. That feeling might be postpartum depression talking and not reality. Please reach out to someone—your OB, your regular doctor, whoever.

FFinn M.RegularDec 18

Postpartum isn't just about who had the pregnancy. Your hormones shifted too in different ways, you're sleep deprived as hell, and you're dealing with massive life change. This is real and you need to talk to your doctor about it. Not weakness, chemistry.

HHank C.RegularDec 17

This reminds me—does your wife know specifically that you're feeling this way? A lot of us dad's just internalize it and don't mention it because we think we should be "tougher" about the postpartum period. She might have resources or understand better than you think.

LLuke N.RegularDec 18

That comparison loop with your wife is dangerous territory. You're in different positions mentally and physically. Your struggle doesn't invalidate hers and hers doesn't invalidate yours. Both real, both need attention. Have you told her what you're feeling?

PPete A.RegularDec 18

8 weeks is still so early. Hormones are wild for everyone in that house, not just your wife. The fact that you're aware something feels off is actually a good sign—a lot of guys just push through

PPaul W.RegularDec 16

Have you talked to your wife about how you're feeling? Because she might be struggling too and you two might both think you need to hide it from each other