Is yelling at your kids when you're frustrated something you can actually change or is it just how you're wired? Asking for a friend (it's me, I'm the friend). My therapist says it's a pattern I developed and I can learn different ways to respond but it feels impossible in the moment. Any actual strategies that work or is this just something I'm stuck with?
Anger is natural but yelling is a choice. That was the thing that clicked for me anyway. When I feel that anger building I try to take a breath and lower my voice instead of letting it out. My kids actually listen better when I'm calm anyway.
It's definitely something you can change but it takes real work. I used to yell constantly and then I started noticing when I was getting frustrated and just stepping outside for five minutes. Game changer. Doesn't mean I never raise my voice but it's so much less frequent now.
This is genetic to some extent I think but that doesn't mean you're stuck with it. My dad yelled all the time so I expected to be the same way. I had to actually be intentional about it but I broke the cycle.
I see a therapist about this stuff and she helped me figure out where the anger comes from. Turns out a lot of it was me being tired and stressed, not actually about what the kids did. Once I started managing my stress better, the yelling decreased like 80 percent.
Have you tried giving yourself a timeout instead of giving one to the kid? Sounds weird but when I feel myself about to blow I go to my room for literally two minutes and it resets everything.
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Therapy really helps if you're serious about changing this. Not saying anything's wrong with you but getting some tools specifically for managing anger in the moment makes a huge difference. Way easier than trying to white knuckle it.