Been thinking about this for a few weeks and it's kind of dark. All my "friendships" are other dads I met through kids' activities. Nothing wrong with that but if parenting stuff ended tomorrow I'd have nobody. And that realization is genuinely lonely. Too old to make friends from scratch? Anyone else building a life back from scratch after having kids?
You should try picking up a hobby or sport that has nothing to do with parenting. I joined a rec league softball team 2 years ago and it literally saved my mental health. It's the one place where nobody knows I'm a dad
lol if parenting ended tomorrow I wouldn't even know how to talk to another adult without steering it back to sleep schedules or picky eating
This is real and more common than you think. The identity collapse when kids grow up is brutal. Maybe start with one small thing - a hobby you actually enjoyed before kids? Even just 2 hours a week reclaiming that could help rewire your brain.
This hit me different because I'm only 2 years in and already feel this creeping in. Good wake up call to actually do something about it now rather than waiting 10 more years.
This is hitting me hard rn. I realized last month I couldn't name a single friend who doesn't have kids. Like literally all my phone contacts are just parent group chat names
Real talk: I had this exact realization and spent 6 months trying to fix it. Joined a book club, reconnected with college friends, did all the "right" things. But honestly? I think this phase of life just naturally kills friendships that aren't tied to what you're doing daily. Not saying don't try, but don't beat yourself up if it feels impossible
The scariest part for me reading this was realizing how much of my identity got outsourced to parenting. Had a friend group die out around age 28 and I never rebuilt it. Now I'm 38 with two kids and genuinely don't know how to make friends as an adult. Started therapy to work on it but yeah the 'what if parenting ends' thing is keeping me up at night too.
hitting hard bc same. all my group chats are dad stuff. i joined a climbing gym last month and it's awkward as hell but like... at least nobody's asking me about soccer schedules there
The "parenting stuff ended tomorrow" part is what gets me. That's not dark, that's just... real. We're in a season that demands everything and doesn't leave room for much else
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Have you tried asking one of the other dads to grab a beer WITHOUT the kids being involved? I was in your boat and forced myself to text Derek asking if he wanted to hit the batting cages or something. Felt weird at first but turns out we actually have stuff in common besides the kids.