Started therapy last month - here's what I wish I'd known

Dec 171 min read

Been seeing a therapist for 4 weeks now after my 10yo called me out for yelling at him over spilled juice. First few sessions felt pointless but last week something actually clicked. Therapist helped me see that I lose it when I'm already stressed about work, not because of the actual thing my kid did.

What helped me:

Finding someone who specializes in anger management (tried a general therapist first, didn't work)
Having a specific thing to work on instead of vague "I need to be better"
Journaling before sessions so I remember what I wanted to talk about

Still early but I actually snapped at my 7yo yesterday and caught myself mid-sentence. Small win.

12 comments214 views

Comments(12)

MMark A.RegularDec 18

That moment when your kid calls you out is brutal but also kind of the kick in the ass a lot of us need. Good on you for actually going to therapy instead of just being defensive about it. That takes real work

RRuben A.New DadDec 18

Not to pry but did you address the spilled juice incident directly with your 10yo after starting therapy? Like did you apologize or explain what you're working on? That kind of closure matters to kids more than you'd think

GGene K.RegularDec 18

The spilled juice thing hits different when they're 10 because they're old enough to remember it and old enough to call you out directly. Proud of you for listening to him instead of doubling down. That's the kind of dad move that actually matters

AArchie K.RegularDec 18

I need this. I yelled at mine yesterday over a similar nothing thing and immediately felt like garbage. How did you find a therapist? Do I just google or...

RRay C.RegularDec 19

Curious what clicked in that session? Like what specifically did your therapist help you see about the yelling pattern? I feel like a lot of dads deal with this and don't know how to even start talking about it

VVic H.RegularDec 20

This is real. Those first few sessions always feel weird and pointless. Therapy needs like a 4-week warm up period before your brain stops fighting it. The fact you stuck it out past the "this is dumb" phase is huge

PPhil B.RegularDec 19

First few sessions feeling pointless is so real. Therapy isn't like TV where breakthroughs happen immediately. Glad something clicked for you

DDave K.RegularDec 18

The spilled juice thing hit me. I've done that exact thing - lost it over something completely insignificant. What did the therapist actually say that made it click?

DDerek P.RegularDec 19

That spilled juice moment sounds brutal but also... your kid was brave enough to call you out. That takes guts and shows he feels safe enough to do it. That's actually a sign you're a pretty good dad

TTyler H.RegularDec 19

The fact that you went to therapy BECAUSE of that and actually stuck with it... man. A lot of dads would've just gotten defensive. What was the thing that clicked last week?

WWade T.New DadDec 19

This gives me hope honestly. I yelled at my 7yo over something stupid last week and felt terrible but didn't know how to fix it. Makes me think I should look into therapy myself instead of just white-knuckling through parenting

GGreg W.RegularDec 19

Your 10yo basically did you a solid by calling you out instead of just internalizing it. Therapy is the right move. My kid stopped telling me stuff after I yelled too much and I regret that