The 3am spiral is killing me

Every night around 3am I wake up and suddenly I'm catastrophizing about money, my job, whether I'm a good dad, if my marriage is okay... it's like my brain won't shut off. By the time the kids wake up I'm exhausted and irritable. I've tried the sleep hygiene stuff, melatonin, cutting caffeine. Nothing helps. And I can't even tell my wife because she's already stressed about her own stuff. Feeling pretty alone in this one.