The guilt is the worst part honestly

Dec 161 min read

My kids are 4, 7, and 9. I love them so much but I also... don't want to play with them sometimes. Like they'll ask and I just feel this exhaustion and irritation. I feel like a piece of shit about it. I provide, I show up, but I'm not PRESENT the way I should be. My wife asked if I wanted to talk to someone and I said no because what would I even say? "I'm a bad dad"? I don't know if this is depression or just who I am.

10 comments359 views

Comments(10)

TTodd N.RegularDec 16

Three kids at those ages means you're basically on constant demand. The irritation isn't about not loving them, it's about being touched out and overstimulated. Have you talked to your partner about getting actual alone time?

AAndy S.RegularDec 16

The guilt is what separates good dads from bad dads honestly. Bad dads wouldn't feel anything. The fact that you feel shitty about it means you actually care. That matters.

BBrad N.RegularDec 18

Yeah the piece of shit feeling is the thing that got me too. But honestly reframing helped—I'm not bad for having limits, I'm human. And teaching my kids that adults have limits is actually good parenting.

DDale J.RegularDec 16

lol the way you said "don't want to play with them sometimes" - that's just being honest. we're not built to be "on" 24/7. society makes dads feel like we should want it all the time.

SShane K.New DadDec 17

Same exact thing here. 3 kids, same ages basically. What helped was being honest with them about it - like "daddy's tired right now, can we play in 30 mins after I sit down?" Instead of forcing it and being irritable. They actually respect the boundary better than fake enthusiasm.

AAl G.RegularDec 18

This is the thing nobody talks about. You can love your kids completely and still sometimes not have the bandwidth to play. That's human, not shameful. The exhaustion is real.

TTom E.RegularDec 18

I started putting myself on a "playtime rotation" - like Monday is legos with the 7yo, Wednesday is outside with the 9yo, etc. Knowing it's scheduled means I'm not dreading a surprise request, and the kids actually feel special getting dedicated time. Game changer.

KKeith L.RegularDec 18

The fact that you recognize it and feel bad about it actually means you're NOT a piece of shit. The dads who are pieces of shit don't care. You're just human and burned out. 4, 7, and 9 is relentless.

RRandy S.RegularDec 17

Dude that exhaustion and irritation isn't guilt-worthy, it's a signal. Your nervous system is saying it's overloaded. The guilt comes from comparing yourself to some imaginary dad who has infinite energy. Real talk: that dad doesn't exist.

RRyan G.RegularDec 18

My therapist told me something that helped: you can love someone and not want to engage with them 24/7. Those are separate things. You're allowed to set boundaries even with your kids. Saying "I need quiet time right now" doesn't make you a bad parent.