Why do I feel like I'm failing everyone?

Dec 28·1 min read

This might sound dramatic but I genuinely feel like I'm letting down my wife, my kids (8 and 11), my job, and myself all at the same time. Nothing is actually going wrong - we're stable financially, kids are healthy, marriage is fine. But I can't shake this feeling that I'm not doing any of it well enough. Missing more work meetings because I'm managing mental stuff. That makes me feel worse about myself. Anyone else stuck in this loop?

6 comments293 views

Comments(6)

KKevinRegularDec 30

What would have to happen for you to feel like you weren't failing? Because I'm guessing the answer is literally impossible and that's the real problem here, not your actual performance as a dad.

DDavid T.New DadDec 30

Being a parent to two kids plus dealing with work and marriage stuff is legitimately hard. The fact that you feel bad means you give a crap, which is the thing that matters. You're not failing, you're just overwhelmed.

JJeremyNew DadDec 30

Real talk: you can't be perfect for everyone all the time. Trying to do that is what makes you feel like you're failing. You're probably doing way better than you think you are in most areas.

OOwen F.RegularDec 30

This sounds like depression talking or at least some serious anxiety. I felt this exact way and didn't realize I was in a hole until my wife pointed it out. Might be worth talking to someone about these feelings specifically.

BBrianRegularDec 30

You're not failing anyone. You're showing up and worrying about it which means you care. That's like the opposite of failing. The bar you're setting for yourself sounds impossibly high though.

AAl G.RegularDec 31

When I feel this way I try to write down three things I actually did well that day. Sounds cheesy but it helps me remember I'm not a complete disaster. You probably do more right than you're giving yourself credit for.