Reached out to my buddy Mark yesterday and told him I've been struggling with depression. He was super supportive but man, I felt vulnerable as hell the whole conversation. Like I was admitting I'm weak or something even though logically I know that's not what it means. Why is it so hard for us dads to just be like "hey I'm not doing great"? My wife does it all the time and nobody judges her.
The fact that you felt vulnerable but DID IT anyway is honestly the whole point. You didn't let the embarrassment stop you. That's growth right there.
Depression convinces you that admitting weakness makes you weak. It's the opposite. Took guts to tell Mark. The fact that he was supportive proves you were right to trust him.
The embarrassment is such a weird response to asking for help considering it literally takes courage. Your brain is lying to you - depression makes you feel like admitting it is weakness when it's actually the opposite.
I genuinely think it's cultural stuff. We're taught asking for help = weak, handling it alone = strong. But it's backwards. Taking action (reaching out to Mark) is infinitely braver than suffering in silence. How'd Mark respond exactly?
That vulnerable feeling sucks but it gets easier every time you do it. Sounds like Mark came through for you which means you picked a good person to tell. That's real friendship.
Have you told any other people yet or just Mark? Because I bet if you did, you'd get the same response. It gets easier after the first time.
Society made us think asking for help = weakness when really it's the opposite. Takes more strength to admit you're struggling than to pretend you're fine. Mark sounds solid. Keep leaning on people like that.
That vulnerable feeling is just your brain being weird. Mark didn't suddenly think less of you - he probably respects you more for being honest. The shame is all in your head, not in reality.
The fact that you felt vulnerable but told Mark anyway is exactly what courage looks like. It's not being fearless, it's doing something that scares you because you need help. You did that.
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That vulnerable feeling is so real and it sucks. But real talk - the fact that you told Mark and he was supportive probably means he respects you more now, not less. Most people feel relief when someone they care about trusts them like that.
For real though, that embarrassed feeling usually fades within like a day or two once you realize Mark didn't suddenly think you're pathetic. He just thinks you're human. Which you are.