Wife says I need to ask for help but I don't know what to ask for | DadHQ

Wife says I need to ask for help but I don't know what to ask for

Dec 291 min read

She's been pretty patient with the whole depression thing but the other day she was like "you need to ask me for help instead of just shutting down." And I was like... but what do I ask for? Like "can you make dinner?" feels weak. I should be able to handle that stuff. But she's right that I end up just not doing anything and letting things pile up and then feeling worse. This is probably stupid but I genuinely don't know how to ask for what I need. Any advice?

6 comments308 views

Comments(6)

BBrianRegularDec 30

The fact that you're asking this question puts you ahead of a lot of people. Seriously. Start with one thing that's hard for you right now and ask her to help with that specific thing.

MMarco R.New DadDec 30

Does your wife understand depression or do you think she's just frustrated? Because the answer to that changes what help actually looks like.

TTony M.RegularDec 31

Talk to your doctor about what options exist first. Therapy, medication, both, none of the above. Once you know what might actually help you can ask for the support around that instead of just vague help.

VVincentNew DadDec 31

Have you tried just telling her what help actually looks like? Like 'I need you to remind me to take my medication' or 'I need you to help me find a therapist.' Sometimes it's hard to know what asking for help even means.

KKarl J.RegularDec 31

This hits different. My wife said something similar and I realized I was waiting for her to magically know what I needed. Started small by asking her to handle one specific thing that was overwhelming me. Made a difference.

SSteve K.RegularJan 1

You could also ask for help with something small like taking care of dinner one night a week so you have mental space. Sometimes specific asks are easier than just asking for help in general.