Wife thinks I'm being lazy but I think I'm depressed

Jan 241 min read

We keep fighting about chores and me not doing stuff around the house. She thinks I'm just avoiding work, and maybe I am? But I genuinely feel like I don't have the energy. I wake up, do work, try to be present with the kids, and by 8pm I'm completely fried. I suggested seeing someone and she was like "oh so now everything is a mental health thing?" which... stung. I'm 42, we've been married 11 years, and I feel like we're not even communicating anymore. Not sure if this is relationship stuff or depression stuff or both. Anyone been here?

6 comments434 views

Comments(6)

WWalter T.RegularJan 25

Depression makes everything feel impossible even small tasks. Could be executive dysfunction not laziness. Look into that too because it's pretty common.

CChristopher J.New DadJan 25

The dishes thing is a symptom not the problem. When I was depressed I couldn't motivate myself to do anything either. Wife didn't get it till I finally said something.

TTom P.RegularJan 26

Have you talked to your doctor about this? Depression is real and it's different from just being lazy. Getting evaluated could help you figure out what's actually going on.

RRyan G.RegularJan 27

Couples counseling might help you two understand each other better on this. My wife and I had similar fights till we realized we were talking past each other.

HHank C.RegularJan 27

Therapy has been a game changer for me. Found a therapist who gets that parenting and depression mix and it's been helping my relationship too.

NNick J.RegularJan 26

Have you noticed it's affecting other areas too like sleep or appetite or motivation in general? That might help clarify if it's depression or something else going on.