Exhausted and snappy with my partner - need to fix this

Dec 161 min read

My son just turned 5 weeks old and I'm losing it. I thought I'd be more patient as a dad but I'm apparently the opposite. Wife says something reasonable like "can you watch him for an hour so I can shower" and I hear it like she's asking me to climb Mount Everest. Then I snap at her about it. Then I feel like garbage because she's the one actually recovering from birth and dealing with hormones.

I've had maybe 4 decent nights of sleep in 5 weeks. I know that's the issue but understanding it and fixing it are different things. She's started just asking my mom to come over instead of asking me now, which somehow makes it worse. How do you guys handle the sleep deprivation rage without being a jerk to the person you love?

5 comments317 views

Comments(5)

RRob P.RegularDec 17

This was me at week 6. Turns out I was expecting to be patient while operating on 2-3 hours of fragmented sleep. I wasn't an impatient person - I was a person dying. We got a night nurse for 2 nights a week and it completely changed my mood.

IIan P.RegularDec 18

Real talk: new dad rage is real and nobody talks about it. You're not being a bad partner, you're being a sleep-deprived zombie. The fix isn't being more patient, it's actually getting sleep. Take shifts where one of you gets 4-5 uninterrupted hours.

CCarlos M.New DadDec 18

Your wife probably needs the break more than she needs you to be less snappy. If she can get an hour alone, you can probably handle one hour alone and not lose it. Everyone wins.

KKarl J.RegularDec 19

The snappiness isn't a character flaw, it's a signal that you need help. Whether that's your wife taking the night shift, a family member coming over, or literally just staying up less late - something has to change or you'll keep resenting her for asking reasonable things.

RRandy S.RegularDec 19

5 weeks is hell. You're sleep deprived in a way that makes you a different person. You're not actually snappy - you're running on fumes and your brain is misfiring. This is temporary. Tell your wife you need to talk about how to get more sleep before this spirals.