This is embarrassing to admit but my wife has completely checked out of our relationship since our son was born (3 months ago). Every conversation is about the baby. Every interaction is about the baby. When I try to get her attention she's annoyed. I know the newborn phase is intense but I didn't realize it would literally erase our marriage. Is this temporary or is this just what life looks like now?
Every conversation being about the baby is normal at 3 months. Every interaction being about the baby is also normal. But 'annoyed when you need attention' is the part that's not okay. That's the actual problem to address - not that she loves the baby too much, but that she's closed you out.
3 months is still peak newborn chaos so I get why you're frustrated but also... her brain is literally flooded with hormones right now. Not an excuse but context. That said yeah you matter too and this needs to get better soon or resentment will set in hard.
3 months in is peak fourth trimester craziness and also when relationships get really strained. But if she's being annoyed when you try to connect, that's worth addressing now before it becomes the default mode. Have you told her straight up that you're feeling disconnected?
Not embarrassing at all. Postpartum is real for both of you - she's dealing with hormones and exhaustion and identity shift, you're dealing with feeling sidelined. But the irritation when you try to engage is a yellow flag. That's not normal 'I'm tired' behavior, that might need actual conversation or even couples counseling.
Have you tried asking her specifically what she needs right now? Not 'why don't you love me anymore' but like 'you seem touched out, is there one thing I can do to help you feel like yourself again?' Sometimes partners just need permission to admit they're drowning.
This feeling is way more common than you think. But the fix is talking about it NOW not in 6 months when you're both bitter. Just be honest that you miss her and you want her back in your relationship even if she's divided her attention for a bit.
The newborn phase absolutely wrecks relationships temporarily but at 3 months most partners start coming back online a little. If she's not, that might be postpartum depression or anxiety. The irritation + checking out could be mental health related, not just exhaustion. Might be worth asking gently if she's okay.
My wife was similar at 3 months. Turns out she was dealing with undiagnosed postpartum anxiety and just felt completely overwhelmed. Once we addressed that, she was able to be more present with me again. Not saying that's what's happening but the 'annoyed when you want attention' thing was a sign something was off for her, not just normal exhaustion.
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Real talk: do you have a therapist or someone to talk to about this? Because feeling replaced is legit and you shouldn't white-knuckle through it alone. 3 months postpartum is rough on both of you but you both need support.