Formula guilt is eating me alive

Dec 241 min read

We switched to formula at 8 weeks because breastfeeding wasn't working and we all desperately needed sleep. Logically I know this is fine and healthy and the kid is thriving. But every time someone asks "are you breastfeeding?" I feel this shame like I failed. I see Instagram posts about "fed is best" and I know it's true but I don't actually believe it about myself? Anyone else deal with this or am I just being irrational?

10 comments49 views

Comments(10)

CClint R.RegularDec 24

I spiraled hard on this too until someone told me: would you rather have a healthy, fed baby or exhausted parents? There's no prize for suffering. Formula exists because it works.

NNate C.New DadDec 25

Real talk though - that sleep deprivation at 8 weeks is no joke. You made the choice that let your family function. That's not settling, that's the smart play.

AArchie M.RegularDec 25

The fact that you're torturing yourself over this while your kid is thriving and you're all sleeping is kind of the point - you made the RIGHT choice. Guilt isn't data.

OOscar D.New DadDec 25

Fed is best isn't just a saying, it's literally true. You made the choice that worked for your entire family. The thriving kid is proof you made the right call.

CCliff B.RegularDec 26

Our pediatrician literally said 'a happy parent is a healthy baby' when we switched. Your kid doesn't care how the calories got in there, and neither should anyone else.

RRuben A.New DadDec 24

The guilt piece you're describing is so specific though - it sounds less about the formula and more about feeling like you failed at something. But 8 weeks of breastfeeding IS a success, not a failure that you 'had to' supplement.

PPete S.RegularDec 26

8 weeks is nothing btw. Fed is best and you know this already. The people making you feel weird about formula are usually the ones who never had to actually live with the consequences of sleep deprivation.

JJoel F.RegularDec 26

8 weeks and both of you are sleeping through the night? That's not just fine, that's straight up parenting wisdom. Your kid isn't suffering. You staying alive and functional is what matters.

NNick G.RegularDec 26

This is real though - I had the same guilt and what helped was a friend saying 'your baby is fed, you're sleeping, your partner isn't resenting you. That's not a failure, that's winning.' Might sound cheesy but it stuck with me.

LLou P.RegularDec 27

The guilt comes from society, not from doing anything wrong. Your kid is thriving. You're sleeping. That's objectively the best outcome. The people pushing the guilt narrative weren't up at 3am with you.