Grandparents undermining our parenting decisions

Dec 191 min read

My MIL keeps saying we're 'too strict' because we don't want visitors holding our 2-month-old when they're sick. She came by with a cold two weeks ago after we specifically asked her not to. Now she's guilt-tripping my wife about being 'overprotective.' How do other dads handle this? Because I'm about to blow a gasket and I don't want to be the bad guy but also... protect your grandkid from RSV challenge (2024)?

10 comments87 views

Comments(10)

PPat H.New DadDec 19

Coming by sick after you specifically asked her not to is the real problem here. That's not a parenting philosophy disagreement, that's her not respecting your boundaries. The 'too strict' comment is just her justifying ignoring you

MMatt D.RegularDec 21

Honestly you're not too strict, you're just normal. My parents acted like we were paranoid for the same boundaries. Kid's 3 now and fine but the sick visit definitely wasn't worth it. Grandparents aren't the ones dealing with a sick infant at 3am

CChris R.RegularDec 19

2-month-old immune system needs protection and she knows it. Putting her hurt feelings above your baby's health is not a personality quirk, that's a pattern you need to shut down now before it gets worse

NNate H.RegularDec 20

Your wife needs to be the one setting this boundary with her mom if it's her MIL. That makes it less about you being 'the bad guy' and more about respecting her daughter's choices as a parent. Have that convo soon

RRussell D.RegularDec 20

The 'too strict' label is just her way of dismissing your rules. My suggestion: make it less negotiable. Less 'please don't come if you're sick' and more 'we'll reschedule when everyone's healthy.' Changes the dynamic

CCarl L.RegularDec 21

MIL showing up sick after you specifically asked her not to is the problem, not that you're too strict. That's a boundary issue and you're right to be mad about it. You're protecting your infant, that's literally your job

DDan W.RegularDec 21

The coming over sick part would've made me lose it. You're not too strict, you're protecting a newborn. Stand your ground on this one because it sets the tone for everything else

MMike T.RegularDec 21

I had this exact situation with my MIL. What finally worked was having my wife (or in your case maybe your partner?) be the one to set the boundary directly. For some reason MILs listen better to their own kids sometimes

VVic G.RegularDec 21

The "too strict" thing is so frustrating because it's code for "I don't want to follow your rules." A 2-month-old's immune system is basically nonexistent. She needs to get over it

CCarlos M.New DadDec 22

"Too strict" is grandparent speak for "I don't want to change my behavior." Your baby, your rules. Congrats on having boundaries though, a lot of new parents don't