He means well but he's the type to want to take over and do things his way. My wife is stressed about it too. How do you set boundaries with parents without being an asshole? Do we just say no? Say yes but set rules? I don't want him there for the whole first month like my mom is suggesting.
I had to set firm boundaries with my parents before my second was born. Told them exactly what help we needed (meals, laundry, keeping the older kid occupied) and what we didn't need (unsolicited advice, rearranging our stuff). It's awkward but way better than resentment building.
The 'do things his way' part would drive me insane. New parents are already stressed and don't need someone second guessing every decision.
This is such a tough dynamic. Have you talked to your dad directly about what kind of help would actually be useful? Sometimes older guys don't realize they're being territorial and they just need someone to explain it.
Could you compromise on a shorter visit? Like a long weekend instead of a week or two? That way he gets to help and meet the baby but there's a clear end date.
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Your wife's stress is the key thing here. If he's creating stress instead of relieving it he's not really helping. You might need to have a conversation with him about that before he arrives, or keep the visit shorter than he wants.