My parental leave ended and I genuinely don't know how to leave

Nov 241 min read

I'm supposed to go back Monday. Been home for 12 weeks with my son Kai and honestly it's been one of the best experiences of my life. Yeah I'm tired, yeah there were hard days, but getting to be part of everything early on has been incredible. Now I'm about to hand him to a daycare 40 hours a week so I can sit in an office. The resentment I feel toward my employer right now is insane. How do other dads handle this mentally?

12 comments115 views

Comments(12)

RRyan G.Regular5h ago

The hardest part for me was realizing that going to work wasn't a failure - it was also providing for him. Like yeah daycare sucks and it's expensive but you're still being a present dad, just in a different way. The guilt is the worst part, not the actual situation.

OOmar S.Regularjust now

Try to set up FaceTime breaks at work if you can. Even just 2 min to see his face during lunch makes the separation feel slightly less brutal. And daycare staff usually love showing off the kids anyway.

RRick J.New Dadjust now

Real question: could you or your wife do like 30 hours instead of 40 for the first few weeks? I know that's not always possible but easing back in might help more than ripping the band-aid

FFrank D.Regularjust now

The 'best experience of my life' part is beautiful and also going to make Monday HURT. But that's okay. Hurting means you're present as a parent, not just going through motions.

MMitch R.Regularjust now

The fact that you're dreading it shows how good your parental leave was. A lot of dads don't get that time and honestly they miss out. But now you get to go back knowing you showed up during those first 12 weeks. That's what matters.

RRandy S.Regularjust now

Have you and your wife talked about what Monday looks like? Like is she going back too or is she home? Because the logistics of the transition matter as much as the emotional part.

NNick G.Regularjust now

This is such a real feeling and honestly it's okay to grieve it. 12 weeks is incredible bonding time. But real talk - daycare won't ruin Kai. He'll be fine. YOU might struggle more with the transition than he will.

LLarry P.Regularjust now

Being part of everything early on matters a crazy amount long-term. You're gonna remember these 12 weeks forever and Kai's gonna feel that bond. Going back to work sucks but you've built something real here.

RRuben A.New Dad19h ago

The grief of going back after leave is REAL. Everyone talks about how hard it is for moms but dads hit the same wall and nobody warns you. You're not being weak for struggling with this.

PPhil B.Regularjust now

I'm gonna be honest - the first week back is going to suck. The second week will also suck. But by week 3-4 a new rhythm develops and it becomes less awful. You'll still miss him obviously but the acute panic usually fades. Kai will adjust faster than you think.

PPatrick W.Regularjust now

Have you and your wife talked about what the daycare situation looks like longer term? Like is there flexibility for you to work from home some days? Or is your job understanding about pickup/dropoff? Sometimes knowing you have SOME flexibility makes the transition easier.

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MMarvin T.Regular22h ago

12 weeks is incredible and yeah Monday is gonna hit different. The daycare thing is real but also - you got to HAVE this time which most dads don't get to say. That's something. Doesn't make Monday easier but it's something.