My wife and I haven't had sex in 4 months | DadHQ

My wife and I haven't had sex in 4 months

Dec 91 min read

And honestly I don't even know how to bring it up at this point. It's been hanging over us. I'm not trying to pressure her - I KNOW she's exhausted, dealing with recovery stuff, touched out from the baby, all of it. But like, we're also becoming strangers? I don't want to be that guy who only cares about sex but this is affecting how I feel about everything. Has anyone successfully navigated getting back to intimacy without it becoming this weird tense thing?

6 comments190 views

Comments(6)

DDrew H.RegularDec 9

This is tough but also way more normal than you probably think. 4 months postpartum with a baby is a legitimate reason sex hasn't happened. Have you actually had a real conversation with her about it or just avoiding it?

CChris T.RegularDec 9

Start with something smaller than full sex. Like a 10-minute massage, or just sleeping naked together, or... something that builds physical intimacy without the pressure of performance. Might help her feel less touched-out in a different context.

MMatt D.RegularDec 10

The fact that you recognize you don't want to pressure her puts you ahead of a lot of people. But yeah, avoidance makes it worse. Have the conversation soon before it becomes a bigger resentment thing.

CCarl W.RegularDec 11

Might be worth reframing it away from "having sex" and more like "I miss being close to you, I miss us as partners." That's less pressure-y than jumping straight to sex. See where the conversation actually goes.

HHector R.RegularDec 12

The touched out thing is REAL. She's been touched by the baby constantly and just needs to not be touched by anyone else. It's not personal to you. Maybe ask what she needs instead of what you need rn

LLuca P.RegularDec 10

Honest question - have you two talked about what her recovery stuff is like? Sometimes dads don't realize there's actual pain/dysfunction happening that makes sex physically hard, not just emotionally. Worth asking about that specifically.