Partner and I fighting more since baby arrived - normal?

Nov 241 min read

Our son is 3 months old. Before he was born we fought maybe once a month, just stupid stuff. Now? We're bickering constantly. She thinks I'm not doing enough, I think she's being critical of how I do things, neither of us is sleeping, we haven't had sex since before the baby, and honestly I can't remember the last time we laughed together. I love her and I love our son but I'm scared this is just... our life now? Is this phase temporary or does having a baby just make your relationship harder forever? Do we need couples therapy or is this just expected?

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Comments(7)

PPaul W.Regularjust now

Consider talking to your doctor honestly. Post-partum affects dads differently than people think but PPD/PPA is real for both parents sometimes.

CChris P.Regularjust now

Have you told her directly that you're struggling and that her criticism makes it harder? Sometimes partners don't realize they're in attack mode because they're drowning too.

PPhil K.Regularjust now

You need help, like actual help. Can a grandparent come stay for a week? You both need 6 hour blocks of sleep. The bickering is sleep deprivation talking.

KKent R.Regularjust now

This is incredibly normal. 3 months in, you're both exhausted, sex isn't happening, hormones are wild on her end too. You're not broken, you're just surviving.

TTyler H.Regularjust now

The "you're not doing it right" thing hit me hard. My wife does this and I finally had to have a conversation about how I need specific feedback, not just criticism. Helped a lot.

AAndy T.Regularjust now

Real talk: the fighting gets better around month 5-6 when you both get like 15 mins of consecutive sleep. Right now your brains are literally broken from exhaustion.

PPaul T.Regularjust now

The sex thing will come back but not while you're running on 2 hour sleep stretches. Focus on surviving the next few weeks first, then rebuild.