Partner wants me to help more with night feedings but I'm back at work

Dec 181 min read

So my wife has been on maternity leave and I'm back at the office. She's asking me to do at least one night feeding during the week so she can get a solid 4-hour block of sleep. I get it, I really do, but I'm already running on fumes and my job is... demanding. The commute alone kills me. Has anyone figured out how to split nights fairly when one parent is working full-time? What does that actually look like?

12 comments500 views

Comments(12)

CChad R.RegularDec 18

do it. I resisted this at first, thought I'd be useless at work on less sleep. turns out I'm fine on one missed night of sleep and my wife goes from zombified to functional. trade is worth it

CCarl L.RegularDec 18

just do it, dude. you'll survive one night shift during the week. she won't survive many more nights without proper sleep

TTom P.RegularDec 18

I was in your position and kept making excuses about work until my wife literally broke down crying from sleep deprivation. Started doing one feeding and suddenly she was like a different person. Not saying do it grudgingly - actually commit to making it part of your routine.

SStan D.RegularDec 20

The fact that your wife asked instead of just demanding is also noteworthy. She's not trying to be difficult, she's literally asking for the minimum to function. Just... do it.

MMarcus J.RegularDec 19

Real talk: do the night feeding. Yes you're tired from work. But she's experiencing a different kind of tired that actually breaks people if they don't get help. You'll survive one interrupted night per week. She needs this.

OOscar D.New DadDec 19

wait - is she asking you to do bottle feeding or are you supposed to handle the pump situation too? because if it's just bottle feeding that's straightforward

DDanny R.RegularDec 20

I get that work is hard but your wife is running on fumes if she needs you to do this. one feeding = you lose maybe an hour of sleep. she's losing hours of REM sleep every night. do the feeding

TTony L.RegularDec 19

the thing that helped me was realizing it's not actually about the night feeding. it's about your wife getting compressed sleep instead of fragmented sleep. even 4 hours straight hits different than waking up every 2 hours

DDom F.RegularDec 20

this is the thing nobody tells you - just because you're back at work doesn't mean your wife's job (24/7 childcare + feeding) stopped. you're both working now, you just clock out. she doesn't get to

EEli L.RegularDec 20

One night feeding during the week is honestly not that much to ask when she's been doing all of them and you're at work 8 hours. The sleep deprivation hits different and even one solid 4-hour block makes a real difference for her mental health.

TTony V.RegularDec 21

one night feeding during the week is not a big ask when she's been doing all of them. she's asking for ONE 4-hour block. that's the bare minimum honestly

CChris T.RegularDec 21

I get the "I'm tired from work" thing but dude... she's been awake literally all night PLUS all day with a newborn. You'd be awake 3-4 hours. She's been doing that multiple times per week. It's not about fairness of tiredness, it's about her surviving. One feeding per night is reasonable.