Paternity leave ending next month and I'm panicking

Nov 241 min read

I've got 8 weeks of paid leave and I'm down to 4 weeks left. Going back to work means going back to 9-hour days and my wife will be solo with our 5-month-old most days. She keeps saying she's got it but I can see the stress already. We can't afford daycare yet (maybe in 6 months?) so it's all on her. I feel guilty leaving her, stressed about money, and honestly? I'm not ready to give up the day-to-day stuff with my kid. Is anyone else struggling with this transition?

11 comments171 views

Comments(11)

NNoah B.New Dadjust now

This is the part that doesn't get talked about enough - how hard it is on the SAH partner when the other person goes back to work. Your wife is about to be overwhelmed and she might not say it. Be proactive about checking in on her mental health.

NNolan J.Regularjust now

4 weeks left and daycare in 6 months is... a lot of solo time for your wife. Have you actually sat down and talked through what that's gonna look like day-to-day? Not 'she says she's got it' but like real logistics planning?

LLarry P.Regularjust now

8 weeks left is actually still a decent runway. The bigger concern is your wife handling 5-month-old solo 9-hour days - that's going to be incredibly hard on her. Is there ANY possibility of part-time WFH days once you go back?

PPhil C.Regularjust now

The 'we can't afford daycare yet' thing is real but also solo parenting an infant all day is unsustainable. Is there family who can help a few days a week? Or looking into nanny shares as a cheaper daycare option?

SStan D.Regularjust now

Your wife's stress now (at 5 months) is preview of what those 6 months solo will be. If she's already showing stress, you need a plan beyond 'she's got it.' Partner check-ins matter more than day 1 of work.

FFritz N.Regular1d ago

9-hour days is brutal with a 5-month-old at home. Your wife might be saying she's fine because she doesn't want to stress you but also she might actually not be fine. This is worth revisiting before you go back.

TTony V.Regularjust now

I went back to 9 hour days when mine was 4 months and my wife was solo. It was brutal on her and I didn't realize how much until I actually got back in the routine and saw her at pickup barely holding it together. Talk to her NOW about what she actually needs.

CChris R.Regular4h ago

6 months until daycare is rough. That's half a year of your wife being the solo daytime parent with a baby who still needs a lot. The 'she's got it' comment might be her being brave, not actually having it. Check in on her a lot.

DDan M.Regularjust now

The stress she's showing already (4 weeks out from daycare coverage) is a sign the reality is hitting her. Having 4 weeks of solo parenting before daycare kicks in sounds like a rough few months. Make sure you're doing mornings/evenings/weekends hard to give her breaks.

CCarl D.Regularjust now

Can you do ANY of your 9 hours remotely? Even 2-3 days a week from home would tank the stress level for both of you while you wait for daycare to be affordable. Worth asking your manager now?

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SStan D.Regular13h ago

Can you negotiate with your job about flexibility? Even 2 days WFH instead of 5 in-office would take some pressure off your wife. 9-hour days plus solo parenting is genuinely unsustainable.