Paternity leave ending soon and I'm not ready

Dec 191 min read

Going back to work in 2 weeks and honestly I'm spiraling a bit. Been home with my daughter for 3 months and I feel like I've just gotten to know her. She's smiling, recognizing me, I was there for all her firsts. How am I supposed to go back to sitting in meetings and pretending to care about quarterly reports when my baby is growing up without me?

And like... I'm also dreading the daycare calls. My boss already implied the first few weeks back are gonna be crazy. What if she gets sick? What if she cries when I drop her off?

Why do I have to choose between being a good provider and being a present dad? This system sucks.

10 comments164 views

Comments(10)

OOwen F.RegularDec 20

The smiling and recognizing you thing is huge. BUT - this happens again and again. You'll have these bonding moments at like 6 months, 2 years, 5 years. It doesn't end just because you're working. Plus she'll have those moments with the sitter/daycare too which... I know sounds weird but it's actually good for them

LLeo R.New DadDec 20

Rough man. Can't really help you feel better about it but know it's normal to spiral. You've been present for the best early stuff - that matters more than being there for every nap

OOmar S.RegularDec 20

This is so hard man. I went back after 4 months and those first few weeks I felt like I was missing everything. But honestly it got easier once I settled back into work - you realize you don't have to be there for every moment

WWalter T.RegularDec 20

I know it sucks but the good news is she'll keep smiling and recognizing you after you go back. Sounds like you're an engaged dad and that doesn't stop because you're at work

FFinn M.RegularDec 21

This is hitting hard. I go back in 4 weeks and I'm already dreading it. The idea of missing her first crawl or whatever... ugh. How are you planning to handle the transition?

TTodd N.RegularDec 21

Real talk - those 3 months you had matter so much. You built the foundation. Going back is hard but she's going to bond with her daycare provider or whoever watches her and that's not a bad thing, it's just how it works

DDave K.RegularDec 22

Real talk: it gets easier but it does suck at first. I was a mess the first week back but honestly the routine helped. Having something to focus on actually made the anxiety less. And she's gonna be totally fine with daycare/sitter - they always are

SSteve B.RegularDec 20

Okay but also - you're still there at night, weekends, all morning before work (presumably). That's more time than a lot of dads get. Don't minimize what you already built

MMatt J.RegularDec 21

Man you're gonna miss stuff and that's real. But your daughter's relationship with you isn't 3-month dependent. I was in the exact same headspace and honestly the guilt was worse than the actual experience. Three months home is incredible - you got that

SSam P.RegularDec 22

The smiling and recognizing you thing is such a sweet spot. Hate that you have to go back right now. Have you talked to your employer about maybe phasing back in or like working from home a couple days?