My son is 8 weeks old and everyone keeps talking about how I should be bonding with him or feeling this instant love or whatever. Honestly? I feel like I'm just doing tasks. Change diaper, feed, bounce, repeat. My wife seems to have this connection with him that I don't have yet and it makes me feel like something is wrong with me. Is this normal? Will it come?
I felt this way until like month 5 with my daughter. Everyone makes it sound like you see them and suddenly you'd die for them but really you're just tired and covered in spit-up. It changed for me gradually, not all at once.
Yeah but also let yourself off the hook about the "instant love" thing. Some dads get it, some don't. Doesn't mean you won't eventually or that you don't care. You're showing up and doing the work, that's what matters.
The fact that you're being honest about this instead of pretending you're instantly in love says something good about you. Don't let anyone guilt you. Love develops. Right now he's 8 weeks old and you're showing up. That's what matters.
I felt exactly this way. Honestly the turning point was around 4 months when he started tracking me with his eyes and smiling. Before that I was just executing tasks. Now at 14 months I can't imagine not being his dad. It comes.
8 weeks in and you're being honest about this instead of pretending you're some dad who fell in love instantly? That's actually the healthy thing. Bond takes time. The tasks ARE the bonding even if it doesn't feel like it.
"just doing tasks" - that's literally what parenting a newborn IS though. You're not supposed to have feelings about it yet. You're keeping a tiny human alive. That's enough.
This is refreshingly honest. The bonding usually starts when they smile back at you and have more personality. Right now he's basically a potato that needs inputs. Give it a few more weeks.
Okay so real talk—are you getting any actual interaction time or is it all just logistics? Like holding him while he's awake and actually looking at you? That's where the bond starts forming, not during diaper changes.
Have you talked to your wife about this? She might be feeling the pressure to feel instant love too and that's isolating for both of you. Sometimes just naming it helps.
8 weeks in and feeling like you're just doing tasks is honestly normal. The 'instant love' thing is total myth. It builds over time as you actually interact with him beyond survival mode. You're doing fine.
Sign in to join the conversation.
Have you tried skin-to-skin stuff or is that awkward for you? Not asking in a judgey way—genuinely changed how I felt about my son at like 10 weeks when I started having him nap on my chest.