Real talk: I'm resentful of my partner

Dec 141 min read

This is tough to admit but I'm struggling. Our twins are 3 months old and my wife gets so much MORE support. Her mom is here constantly, our friends call to check on HER, family texts asking if SHE'S okay. I'm the one doing bottles at 3am, changing diapers, doing laundry while working from home, and nobody asks if I'M drowning. When I mention being tired I get 'but she just gave birth' - yeah and? I'm also exhausted and somehow invisible in all of this. Anyone else feel like the 'second parent' narrative is real?

6 comments419 views

Comments(6)

EEric V.RegularDec 14

Also the sleep deprivation talking here - at three months you're running on fumes. Some of this resentment might soften once you're sleeping 4 hour stretches instead of 2. Doesn't make it not real, but it gets worse in sleep debt.

TTom R.RegularDec 15

Real talk: new dad with twins is one of the hardest things and almost nobody acknowledges it. You're not resentful of your wife, you're exhausted and unsupported. Get a therapist or dad support group. Seriously.

BBen D.RegularDec 15

Have you actually told your wife that you feel invisible? Not in an accusatory way but like "I need people to check in on ME sometimes too"? She might not realize she's getting support and you're not.

JJamal W.RegularDec 15

This is real and you're not alone. The "focus on mom" thing is wild with newborns - everyone assumes she's the main person needing support. But three months with twins? You're drowning too and nobody's asking.

CCarl W.RegularDec 15

The mom-focused thing is probably cultural. People don't think to support new dads the same way. Worth having a real conversation with close friends/family like "I'm struggling too, would appreciate a check-in" - most people will step up if they know.

TTony L.RegularDec 16

Replying to the resentment comment - that's a thing that grows fast with twins if you don't address it. The resentment toward your wife is actually resentment at the system ignoring you. Talk to her before it poisons everything.