Not trying to be weird about this but it's been 4 months since our baby was born and we haven't had sex since before pregnancy. My wife says she's just not interested and I get it - she's tired, body image stuff, being touched out by the baby all day. But I'm also struggling with the disconnection. Is this just how it is now for like a year? Do I need to accept this as the new normal?
Being touched out is legit but so is your need for intimacy. Maybe it's not sex right away but like... date night where you focus on each other? Not with the end goal of sex but just reconnecting? We did that and it helped reset things.
This is tough but honestly be patient. Her hormones are legitimately all over the place right now. That said, you should talk about it (gently) because 4 months of no intimacy is rough on both people.
Have you actually asked her what she needs to feel interested again? Like is it sleep, is it her feeling attractive, is it just not having the baby attached to her? Ask specific questions instead of 'when are we gonna have sex' vibes.
Don't let this fester. Talk to a couples counselor now instead of in a year when you're both resentful. This is fixable but it needs communication and maybe professional help.
4 months is nothing honestly. She might still be bleeding, hormones are chaos, and the touched out thing is REAL. Give it time but also don't suffer in silence.
Real talk: my wife didn't get interested again until she stopped breastfeeding. If your wife is nursing, that might be part of it. Not an excuse, just biology.
4 months is still pretty normal tbh. Breastfeeding hormones kill libido for some women. Don't push it but also communicate - like tell her you miss the intimacy, not just sex. Sometimes that distinction helps.
Not weird at all. It's a legitimate thing couples go through. But 'not interested' at 4 months might be more than libido - could be depression, pain, medication side effects. Has she talked to her OB? That's the first step, not pushing harder.
The disconnection is real and valid. But also understand she's probably exhausted AND dealing with body stuff you can't see. Maybe frame it as "how do we reconnect" instead of "when do we have sex again."
Don't be weird about it but also don't ignore it. This is worth a real conversation with actual communication, not venting about it online.
The 'touched out' thing is real and you should acknowledge it, but also you're allowed to have needs. Maybe try scheduling intimacy instead of expecting spontaneous? I know it sounds unromantic but it actually helped us because my wife knew it was coming and could mentally prepare.
This is actually really common and also really hard. 4 months is still early - her body is healing, hormones are all over the place, and touching out is REAL. But you're also not wrong to feel disconnected. Talk to your doctor together if possible.
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My wife didn't want sex for almost a year after our second. Turns out it was painful (even though she didn't want to tell me). Once we got that sorted it got better. Might be worth her checking in with her doctor.