Okay so my wife is combo feeding (breast + bottle) with our 6-week-old and I've noticed it's like constantly a thing. She's always either nursing or pumping or bottlefeeding, and she seems stressed about whether he's getting enough. I want to help but idk what to do besides give bottles sometimes. She gets frustrated when I try to give advice about it. How do I be more supportive without making it worse?
6 weeks in is THE hardest. Her supply is still stabilizing, cluster feeding is happening, her body is still recovering. Feeding is stressful because it legitimately IS stressful right now. In a few months if she sticks with it, it gets way easier.
Combo feeding is objectively stressful because it's technically never really "done" - like there's no clear point where she can be like 'okay I'm done feeding for now.' It's a cycle. That would stress anyone out.
My wife was combo feeding too and what really helped was when I asked her what one thing would make her day less stressful instead of me guessing. Turned out she just wanted help tracking when she last nursed each side (we got a little app for that). Game changer.
This is so real. We went through months of this and honestly it just took time to level out. By 4 months we were in a much better rhythm. But yeah validating that it's actually stressful is important - don't let her feel crazy for finding it hard
At 6 weeks your wife is still in survival mode for sure. The stress might ease up once you hit like 3-4 months and things get more predictable. But yeah acknowledging it's a lot might help her feel less crazy for being stressed
You can reduce the stress by taking night bottles completely off her hands. Like, you do all the bottle feeds after 8pm so she at least gets one chunk of sleep without planning or thinking about feeding. It sounds small but it's actually massive for mental load.
Combo feeding is actually harder than either/or because it's literally never done. She's cycling through everything constantly - that's exhausting mentally AND physically. Have you guys talked about maybe consolidating? Like pump after certain feeds so there's actual downtime?
Honestly the stress is because feeding is THE job at 6 weeks. Her body is the main food source, so psychologically she can't fully disconnect. It's not really stressful to YOU so sometimes dads don't realize how all-consuming it is.
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The thing that helped us was making the bottles my primary responsibility. Like I'd prep them, I'd do the bottle feeds at certain times so she had predictable breaks where she KNEW she didn't have to think about feeding. Gave her some mental space back
Have you asked her what specifically stresses her about it? Like is it the logistics, the time commitment, feeling like she's doing it wrong, or something else? Because how you help depends on what the actual problem is