So my MIL basically has a key to our place and comes over whenever. Baby is 6 months. Every time she's here she corrects how I do things - diaper changes, feeding, even playtime. My wife doesn't see the problem because it's her mom. But it's making me feel incompetent in my own home. I don't want to cause drama but this is getting ridiculous.
My MIL was similar at first with our first kid. We had to have the conversation where I said 'I appreciate help but I need to learn how to do this as a parent, not just assist' and we set specific visiting days instead of random drop-ins. Changed everything
The key thing would drive me absolutely nuts. That's not her place to have access whenever. You gotta have a conversation with your wife about this being YOUR home where YOU parent, not her extension living space. She needs boundaries yesterday
Your wife might not see it as a problem because she grew up with her mom doing the same thing. That's actually the harder conversation to have than the MIL one. She might need to realize she's letting her mom override your actual parenting
Your wife 'doesn't see it' because it's her mom and her normal is different from yours. She grew up with this dynamic so it doesn't register as weird. You have to be the one who names it clearly: 'I can't be the dad our kid needs if your mom is here undercutting me.' That's not mean, that's real.
The key to the house thing is the actual problem. Not the visits, not even the corrections - it's that she can just show up whenever she wants. That's your space and your family's rhythm getting invaded. Your wife needs to get this because it won't stop otherwise.
The key is the real issue here imo. Even if her comments bugged you less, just having someone able to enter your home whenever at 6 months postpartum would stress my wife out alone. That's a privacy and security thing, not just in-law drama
My MIL did this and we let it go too long. By age 3 my kid was asking why grandma said I was doing it wrong. That's when my wife finally got it. Don't wait for that. Have the hard conversation now while the boundary is still soft.
Have a real conversation with your wife about how you two are parenting together, not her mom getting a vote. If your wife doesn't see the problem now at 6 months, it gets way worse when kid is older and MIL is undermining your actual parenting decisions.
lol the correcting you on playtime is insane. She's not trying to help at that point, she's asserting dominance. Change the locks? Probably nuclear but how much longer can you live with someone having a key.
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lol 'even playtime' - what does she think you're doing wrong with playtime? That's the most bonding time. I'd lose it if my MIL was correcting how I play with my own kid