Stop the mom guilt from bleeding into weekend projects

Dec 41 min read

Real talk: I get frustrated with myself when I'm working on a project with my kids and I'm not being "present" enough. Like my 7yo will be building something and I'll get distracted thinking about work or whatever, and then I feel guilty. But also he doesn't even notice?? He's just doing his thing? I think I'm putting pressure on myself to make every single activity some magical bonding moment when really he just wants to build stuff. Anyone else deal with this or is it just my anxiety?

10 comments487 views

Comments(10)

KKent R.RegularDec 4

I feel this so hard. Been working on accepting that my kids don't need perfect engaged dad every second - they just need dad sometimes. And ironically I'm MORE present when I'm not white-knuckling trying to be present.

HHarvey L.RegularDec 5

The mom guilt comment hits different when you're a dad but yeah. I started asking my kids "did you feel like I was paying attention?" and the answer is always yes even when I felt checked out. Kids are way more forgiving than we think.

BByron S.RegularDec 4

The trick I learned is that "present" doesn't mean staring at them the whole time. Your 7yo building something probably doesn't need you narrating every move. Sometimes just being in the same room and available is enough.

HHugh S.RegularDec 5

What kind of projects do you usually do? I found that when I pick projects where we're actually working TOGETHER vs me supervising, I stay more locked in. Like building something instead of just watching them build.

DDanny G.RegularDec 4

I stopped fighting it and just told my kids "hey dad's gonna work on this thing while you work on that thing and we're doing it together" - gave myself permission to not narrate every moment and weirdly felt more connected

JJake M.RegularDec 5

This is so real. I'm building a birdhouse with my 6yo last month and I'm literally composing work emails in my head while he's showing me his design. Then I feel like garbage for not being "present." It's torture

NNick G.RegularDec 4

what helped me was realizing my kids don't want me hovering and ooh-ing and ahh-ing at everything. they want to do their thing and know I'm there. so now I'll be on my phone or whatever and pop in to see what they made and that's actually enough

EEric V.RegularDec 5

This is such a real thing nobody talks about. Like you're physically there but your brain is in work mode and the guilt spiral makes it worse. I've found that literally putting my phone in another room helps break that cycle.

RReggie T.New DadDec 6

the guilt is worse than the distraction honestly. like your kid is having fun, you're there, you're participating - that's the whole win. brain worms telling you it has to be some perfect mindfulness moment are wrong

PPhil B.RegularDec 4

trying this approach. feels weird but less stressful than the forced "I am PRESENT" energy I was giving off before lmao