Anyone else feel like their boss thinks paternity leave is fake?

Dec 171 min read

Taking 6 weeks in the fall and my boss keeps "joking" about me bringing my laptop to the hospital. I'm not joking when I say I won't be answering emails. But somehow I feel like I need to reassure him that I'll "stay available"—which defeats the entire purpose. Do managers just not understand that this is a legitimate leave, not a vacation? Feeling anxious about it already and baby isn't even here yet.

10 comments171 views

Comments(10)

HHank W.RegularDec 18

Your boss is testing boundaries. The instant you say "I'll bring my laptop" he's already mentally assigning you stuff. Shut that down now. Your team can handle six weeks without you - that's literally what backup plans are for.

NNate H.RegularDec 18

Had a manager like this. The jokes kept escalating until I very calmly said "I won't be reachable and if there's an emergency your team knows what to do." He didn't like it but also never brought it up again. Sometimes they need to know you're serious.

CChris F.RegularDec 18

The reassuring thing is so real—like we're doing them a favor by taking leave that's literally our legal right. You don't need to manage his discomfort about it. You earned this time.

RReggie T.New DadDec 18

The "joking" thing is a power move disguised as humor. You already said you won't be checking emails - that's the answer. Repeating it or defending it actually undermines you. Just smile and change the subject next time he brings it up.

GGrant C.RegularDec 19

I set an out-of-office with "I will not be checking email during paternity leave" and didn't apologize in it. Felt weird but it worked. Bosses only "joke" about stuff if they think you'll cave.

DDave K.RegularDec 18

This guy gets it. The fact that you're even feeling guilty about drawing a boundary is the problem. You're taking 6 weeks to meet your newborn. That's not something to feel bad about.

WWade T.New DadDec 19

DO NOT bring your laptop. Seriously. Your boss is testing boundaries with the "jokes." Make it clear now, before you go, that you won't be reachable. If he pushes back, that tells you everything about the job.

HHugh S.RegularDec 19

Don't reassure him. Let that awkwardness sit. If you jump in with "oh I'll check email" he learns that paternity leave is actually work leave and you're not a real parent, just someone babysitting your own kids. Six weeks is not negotiable.

OOwen F.RegularDec 18

Real talk: if you don't take the leave now, you'll regret it forever. That newborn phase is like 6-8 weeks and then it's over. Your boss will survive email delegating.

AArchie M.RegularDec 19

I felt the same guilt and honestly it was all made-up. I took my leave, didn't answer anything, and the office kept running fine. The guilt came from years of being told that being away = not committed. You're committed to your newborn, which IS commitment.