Do you tell your boss about parenting stuff?

Dec 81 min read

Quick question - when something's going on with the kids (like school issues or medical stuff), do you tell your manager? I've always kept it private but lately I'm realizing that pretending everything is fine might actually be making me less effective at work. My boss mentioned I seemed distracted during a meeting yesterday and I almost mentioned that my kid's been struggling with anxiety but I chickened out. Does sharing personal stuff hurt your credibility or make you seem less committed?

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Comments(10)

SSteve L.RegularDec 8

Depends on your manager honestly. Mine's a parent too so I'm pretty open. But I had a previous manager who would subtly hold it against me if I mentioned kid stuff, so yeah context matters. You don't owe them your whole life but you do need flexibility back.

RRaj P.RegularDec 9

The "pretending everything's fine" part kills me because yeah everyone can tell anyway. I just say what I need to say and move on. My school's open house is Tuesday after work, I'll be leaving at 2:15 that day, see you at 3. Done.

WWyatt C.RegularDec 9

This is such a healthy realization. The pretending-everything-is-fine approach just makes you resentful and they probably notice anyway when you're distracted. I give my boss a heads up if something's going on because it actually explains why I might be offline or less focused.

NNick J.RegularDec 9

I tell my manager EVERYTHING now. Used to be like you but honestly it takes mental energy to keep that wall up. When I mentioned my son's speech therapy schedule, my boss was like "ok cool, just give me a heads up on Tuesdays." Made such a difference.

RRick J.New DadDec 9

The "pretending everything's fine" part is the exhausting bit. You're using mental energy on maintaining a fiction that nobody needs you to maintain.

WWill T.RegularDec 9

This. You give them just enough context that they understand why you need boundaries, but you're not oversharing. My boss doesn't need to know about the eczema flareup, but she does need to know I have a 2pm thing Mondays.

KKurt D.RegularDec 9

I keep it vague but honest. "Something came up with the kids, I might need to step out" is all they need. If your boss is gonna resent you for having children, that's a them problem and honestly a sign to look elsewhere.

LLiam S.RegularDec 11

I tell my manager the facts but not all the feelings if that makes sense? Like "I have a doctor's appointment with my son at 2" not "my kid's having behavioral stuff and I'm stressed about it." Keeps it professional but clear why I need the time.

HHugh S.RegularDec 11

Depends on your manager honestly. I've had two. First one I told nothing and it sucked. Current one, I was upfront about needing flexibility for school pickups, and she respected it. Just read the room first.

BBob M.RegularDec 11

My advice: tell them the impacts, not the details. Like "I need to block Wednesday afternoons for a recurring commitment" not "my kid's therapist only does 3pm slots." You don't need to share everything.