I work 9-6, get home at 6:30, kids are wound up, bedtime routine is an hour, and by then I'm dead inside. Everyone talks about "being present" with your kids but how? I'm too tired to do anything but watch them eat dinner. Do you guys actually have the energy for quality time or is this just another thing society makes dads feel guilty about?
The 6:30 arrival time is brutal for this. By the time you're home, fed, and in bedtime routine there's nothing left. Have you thought about swapping anything earlier in the day with your partner or is that not an option?
Everyone who talks about being "present after work" either works from home or has a different job. For 9-6 guys it's mostly fake. What works is being present on weekends and being reliable when you ARE home. Don't beat yourself up.
The wound-up kids thing is real - they've been waiting for you all day. Sometimes sitting on the couch while they decompress for 15 minutes and just listening is enough. You don't have to DO anything.
Consider moving bedtime back 30 mins if possible. That gives you actual buffer time to transition from work brain to dad brain. Sounds dumb but it changed everything for me.
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You're not dead inside, you're just exhausted. Real talk though - "being present" doesn't mean doing activities. It means putting the phone down during dinner or asking about their day. 20 minutes of actual attention beats 2 hours of zombie dad.