Genuine question. When I work past 6pm, which has been 2-3x a week lately, my wife handles bedtime solo and says the kids are bouncing off walls because they know dad might still show up. Then I DO show up at 7pm and obviously they want to hang out. Bedtime becomes 8:30 or 9. We're all miserable. Am I overthinking this or is there a better way to handle it?
stop showing up during those late nights if possible. one parent handles bedtime solo, that's THE routine. you showing up breaks the whole thing
Stop going to bedtime on those late nights. I know it sucks but you're undercutting your wife's authority and making her job way harder. Tell the kids 'dad's working late tonight, you listen to mom' and actually follow through. Better for everyone.
this is real and annoying. my wife finally told me to just not come home before 8pm on work late nights because the kids would see me and it'd be chaos. bit lonely but it worked
The bouncing off walls thing is real but that's also... kinda your wife's thing to manage? You're working. That's not your responsibility during bedtime hours
can you work late from somewhere else instead of the house? like once a week go to a coffee shop or stay at the office. gives you the work hours without messing with bedtime
yeah this is brutal. Kids absolutely know dad might show up so why wind down? Your wife's solo bedtime is now like herding caffeinated squirrels. You gotta either commit to being home by 6 most nights or stop appearing at bedtime on the late days. Middle ground is killing her.
The bouncing off walls thing is 100% because they're waiting for you. Kids are biologically wired to stay alert when someone's missing. Either you're home by 6 or you're truly gone till morning (like traveling). This in-between thing is the worst option.
Been there. Switched to morning hours before work instead. Younger kids especially need evening stability more than they need random dad pop-ins. Your wife needs a predictable bedtime and they need to wind down. Both are compromised right now.
Talk to your boss about locking down when you actually need to be late. If it's 'whenever' they need you that's a different problem than actual scheduled late nights. Predictability matters.
lmao i've been on both sides of this. as the parent doing solo bedtime it's brutal, but also you can't let your presence undermine it. maybe you're just not coming home those nights til they're down
Real question: does your job actually require you there or is it just culture? Because 2-3x a week late seems like something you could push back on unless you're in like surgery or law. Most things can wait till morning.
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yeah that's a trap. kids stay amped because there's POSSIBILITY of dad coming home. once you show up they're caffeinated for another hour minimum