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Honest assessment: how do you actually be "present" after work?

Jan 11 min read

Everyone says "be present with your kids" but I'm genuinely wrecked by 6pm. My brain is fried from problem-solving all day. I'm sitting on the couch while my kids play and I'm half-listening, checking my phone. I feel like a zombie. My wife gives me crap about it but she doesn't get it – she has a different job. I'm not saying I want to tune out completely but I think the expectation that I'm gonna have deep conversations and do crafts right after an intense workday is unrealistic. Does this get better? Or am I just someone who needs to accept they're not an evening-activity dad?

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5 comments243 views

Comments(5)

LLucasNew DadJan 1

My therapist told me that presence isn't about your energy level, it's about attention. So like you can be sitting on the floor playing with legos even if you're tired, and that still counts. Helped me stop feeling guilty about not being a superhero dad.

JJake M.New DadJan 1

Honestly the answer is you probably can't fully be present in that state. Maybe the question isn't about forcing presence when you're exhausted but finding ways to recharge a little first. Even 15 minutes.

RRob P.RegularJan 1

I started doing like 10 minutes of literally just sitting in the car before I go inside the house. Nothing fancy, just sitting. It's not perfect but my kids get slightly less of a zombie dad and that's progress.

CCarl D.RegularJan 3

Are you able to take any actual breaks during your day or is it full throttle until you leave? Sometimes the mental fried thing starts way earlier than we realize.

FFred V.RegularJan 3

What kind of work are you doing? I found that switching from high-stress meetings to something more routine actually helped me have more left in the tank by evening. Worth looking at if that's an option for you.