Just finished my paternity leave and the guilt is hitting hard

May 121 min read

Took 6 weeks when our third kid was born and it was amazing but I'm back at work full time now and I feel like I'm missing everything. My wife sent me a video of my 8 week old smiling at the dog and I had to step away from my desk. I know this feeling passes and I know plenty of you have been here but man it's rough. Anyone else struggle with the guilt of needing to provide for your family while also wanting to be home for all those moments? How did you get past it? I'm also considering if I should look for a remote work option instead of these long office days.

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Comments(7)

CChristopherNew DadMay 13

Six weeks is incredible though. So many dads don't get that time at all. Your third will have those memories. That guilt? That just means you care.

DDusty M.New DadMay 12

Four kids in and I still remember that guilt from going back to work. Your presence matters way more than being there for every moment, and your kids will remember the dad who's present when he is there.

RRich B.RegularMay 12

That guilt is real and I felt it hard when I went back after paternity leave with my second. The truth is you're doing more than you think just by showing up for the time you do have with them.

KKevin M.RegularMay 12

Six weeks is awesome and your wife gets it. The guilt gets easier, I promise. Focus on making the time you do have count, whether that's mornings before work or weekends fully unplugged.

JJakeNew DadMay 12

It gets easier after the first month back. The routine helps. Make the time you do have count and don't scroll work emails after bedtime. That's the adjustment that helped me most.

KKevinNew DadMay 12

You earned that time. Now you get to be the person who comes home and is actually present for them. Quality over quantity is a cliche but it's true.

MMatteoRegularMay 12

That guilt is real. I took two weeks and even that felt like I was leaving them behind. But here's the thing - you being present when you ARE there matters more than the total hours.