My boss expects me to travel like I don't have kids

Dec 71 min read

This is just a vent but UGH. We had a "quick discussion" about Q2 planning and my boss casually mentioned I should plan to be in Denver for a conference for 5 days. I have a 4yo and 7yo. My wife has a demanding job too. I told him I needed to check with my family and he gave me this look like I'd just told him I was quitting. Why is it still weird in 2024 to say that family obligations matter? Other dads at my company must be dealing with this too right?

10 comments223 views

Comments(10)

CCarl S.RegularDec 7

My company does this too and I finally just said "I can do 2 days onsite, 3 remote" and nobody died. Push back specifically on the days. Sometimes they just assume you'll figure it out if they ask big enough

SScott W.RegularDec 8

Document this convo if you haven't already. "Casually mentioned" feels like the way bosses soften unreasonable asks before making them mandatory

NNoah B.New DadDec 7

Genuine question: does your wife work? Because if she's also working that's a pretty big ask to handle both kids solo for a week. That's not a 'quick discussion' situation

MMarcus L.RegularDec 8

lol i hate this so much. "Oh you'll figure it out" = "I'm not actually concerned about your family situation." That's not venting, that's legitimate workplace unfairness

CChris R.RegularDec 8

This is wild. 5 days is basically asking you to abandon your family for work. Does your boss not have kids or just genuinely not care? Would he be cool with you calling mid-conference every night at bedtime?

WWill T.RegularDec 9

Can your wife take those days off or does she work too? Either way this is on your boss for not treating parental obligations seriously. Some companies are way better about this stuff—might be worth documenting how often this happens if it's a pattern.

CChris F.RegularDec 9

This is infuriating. 5 days is a lot to just casually throw out without asking about your actual situation. Did you tell him upfront that you need more notice for planning that kind of thing?

LLarry P.RegularDec 10

the fact that he said this 'casually' is the most corporate move ever. that's not a casual ask when you have two young kids and presumably childcare needs to figure out

TTony G.RegularDec 10

oof. i had a boss like this and it only got worse. did you push back or is this still being 'discussed'? because 5 days without warning is pretty unreasonable for someone with a 4yo.

PPhil K.RegularDec 7

The 'casually mentioned' is what gets me. That's not casual when you have kids. I had to straight up tell my manager 'I need 2 weeks notice minimum for anything over 3 days' and it actually helped set expectations