Our second kid is due in 6 weeks and I'm trying to figure out what to actually request. My company offers 12 weeks parental leave but I'm worried about optics if I take more than 4-5 weeks. Nobody else on my team has taken the full amount. Am I overthinking this? What did you guys actually take and did it hurt your career trajectory? Being honest here.
The optics thing is in your head honestly. I was worried about the same thing and my boss was like 'take what you need, we'll cover it.' Your company literally OFFERS 12 weeks - they're budgeted for people to use it.
Take it. I took 6 weeks and regretted it immediately. Second kid flies by and you'll never get that time back. Your company literally budgeted for 12 weeks - use what they're offering.
lol I had the same worry. Took 10 weeks, came back, got promoted 6 months later. The people who matter understand that being present for your family's biggest moments isn't a career killer.
Take the 12 weeks. I took 10 with my second and nobody said shit about optics - they were too busy being jealous. The 'nobody else' thing is a trap. Ask around more quietly, people don't advertise it.
Honestly depends on your role but yeah, take more. I negotiated 10 weeks unpaid after my 8 weeks paid and it was the best decision. Second kid is wild - you need the buffer time.
Real talk: those first 5 weeks are the hardest with a newborn AND a toddler at home. You'll wish you had more time. I took 6 with my first and 8 with my second and the difference was massive. The work will be there when you get back.
lol the 'optics' fear is so real but also completely backwards. Taking 12 weeks doesn't make you look bad - looking desperate and burnt out in week 6 makes you look bad. Do the math on what actually matters.
I took the full 12 weeks with my second and literally nobody said anything. Turns out when you actually produce work that matters, people don't care when you take leave. The optics thing is mostly in our heads.
Ask yourself: in 5 years will you regret the time or regret not taking it? That's your answer. Also check if your company lets you split it - some places let you take a chunk now and a few weeks later if you need breathing room.
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The "optics" fear is real but here's the thing - any manager worth working for WANTS you taking parental leave. It means the policy actually exists and you're not just getting screwed. At minimum do 8 weeks.