Real talk - some evenings I just sit at my desk until 6:30pm because I can't face sitting in traffic AND then immediately being "on" as a parent. Is that terrible? My commute is 45 min normally but crawls. Staying late gives me decompression time but feels dishonest?
I did this for a while and it WAS about decompression but also I was avoiding stuff. Eventually I realized I was just delaying the exhaustion instead of dealing with it. You might want to think about what you're actually needing here.
This is pretty honest of you to admit though. Most people just do it without questioning it. The fact that you're asking the question suggests you know it's not ideal.
Commute is rough but sitting at your desk isn't actually decompressing - you're just procrastinating being present. Go sit in your car with music or go to a coffee shop AFTER work if you need a break, but don't pretend work is helping you mentally.
The decompression time is actually important. You can't show up as a good parent if you're burnt out from commute stress. But maybe find a different way to get that? Sit in car in parking lot, go for a run, whatever.
It's not terrible but it's also not ideal to make it a habit. That said, if you genuinely need decompression time to be a better parent for the next 3 hours, that's not the worst trade-off. Just don't make it an excuse to avoid your family.
Honestly? Come home and take 20 minutes alone in the garage or bedroom. Same decompression, home earlier. That's the version that doesn't involve dishonesty.
Nothing wrong with decompression time but don't frame it to yourself as being stuck in traffic when really you're choosing to avoid your family. One is honest, one isn't.
It's not terrible but also maybe be honest with yourself about what you're actually doing. If you need decompression time, that's legit - but sit with that instead of pretending it's traffic logic.
Be straight with your family about what you need. "I need 20 minutes to decompress before being 'on'" is more honest than staying at the office. Your wife and kids would probably rather have you home calm.
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Real talk: is the 'decompression time' actually helping you be better with your kids, or are you just avoiding the chaos? Because those are two different things.