The guilt about travel is ridiculous

Dec 71 min read

Had a work trip to San Francisco last week. Three days, two nights. While I was gone my 4yo got sick, had a fever, needed extra attention. My wife handled it fine obviously but I felt like I missed something important even though logically I knew she was fine by the time I got back.

Then I felt guilty for feeling guilty because my wife was like 'it's not a big deal, one sick day.' But it felt like a big deal to me? Is this normal parent stuff or am I being weird?

10 comments281 views

Comments(10)

JJason K.New DadDec 8

your wife handled it fine is the key phrase here. she DID handle it. kids get sick, parents handle it. you being there wouldn't have magically made the fever go away. try to sit with that feeling instead of fighting it

NNoah B.New DadDec 8

my therapist called this 'provider guilt' - you're supposed to feel like you need to be there for everything but logically know you can't be. the key is your wife didn't need you, she handled it. that's actually the goal. your kid's fine and your wife's fine

VVic H.RegularDec 9

I used to spiral like this until i reframed it - my kid seeing me work, travel, do things OUTSIDE of being dad actually teaches her something valuable. i'm modeling that adults have lives and responsibilities. she's also learning her mom is capable solo. both good things

SSam F.New DadDec 9

next time something like this happens, text your wife you love her and you're thinking about them instead of spiraling. you can't teleport home and honestly SF trips are important. your kid will remember dad works, not that dad missed one fever

RReggie K.New DadDec 9

the fact that you FEEL guilty about this probably means you're a good dad. bad dads don't feel guilty. doesn't make the guilt rational though

SSam F.New DadDec 9

man this hits different. i was gone for 4 days last month when my 3yo had an ear infection and i literally checked my phone every 30 mins even though my wife said everything was handled. the guilt was so real even though logically i knew she had it covered

PPatrick W.RegularDec 9

lol the San Francisco trip guilt is so specific. like somehow if it was Des Moines it would feel less bad? reality is kids get sick whether you're home or 3000 miles away. you'll miss stuff sometimes. that's parenting

MMitch R.RegularDec 10

honestly this is the part of being a working dad that nobody prepares you for. you WILL miss stuff. your kid will get sick, have moments, figure things out without you. it sucks but the alternative is not having a job and different problems. the guilt passes

BBen H.RegularDec 10

the guilt is real but also irrational - you didn't cause your kid to get sick and your wife is capable. that said the emotional weight of missing it hits different. three days is tough. did you stay in touch the whole time or disconnect?

LLeo R.New DadDec 9

you felt bad about missing three days while your wife was handling a sick 4yo solo. the fact that you FELT that way is actually the proof you're a good dad. bad dads don't have guilt about this. let yourself off the hook