The guilt of business travel with littles never goes away

Nov 261 min read

I have a 3-day conference in Boston next month and I'm already dreading it. My oldest is 6 and last time I traveled she cried when I dropped her at school. She doesn't fully get that I'm coming back.

My job pays well and honestly, I should be at this conference - it's good for my career. But I hate that I'm choosing a work trip over bedtime stories for 3 nights. Trying not to be dramatic about it but the whole thing feels shitty.

Does it get easier? Or do you just accept the guilt as part of the deal?

13 comments106 views

Comments(13)

AAndy S.RegularFeb 22

Three days is actually manageable for a 6yo if you prep her. Let her help pack your bag, explain it's for work (even though she won't fully get it), and have a visual countdown. The hardest part is her feeling safe that you're coming back. Once she knows that pattern, it gets easier.

CCarl W.RegularFeb 21

You should go to the conference. She'll cry, you'll feel guilty, and three days later you'll be back. It sucks in the moment but also - modeling that work matters and that relationships survive separations is valuable. Just make the drop-off smooth and keep it matter-of-fact.

RReggie T.New DadFeb 21

Six is still in the phase where she doesn't totally get time passing. A 3-day trip feels like forever to her. But she'll adjust faster than you will. The guilt is your thing to manage, not her problem to fix.

SSawyer N.RegularFeb 19

Have your wife do something special while you're gone - not "bribe her for dad leaving" but like a favorite activity. Gives her something to look forward to besides just missing you.

DDave K.RegularFeb 19

Real talk: if you frame this as "daddy has to work" it feels punitive. If you frame it as "daddy's doing his job to take care of the family" it's different to kids. The guilt is understandable but don't let it derail your career.

RRaj P.RegularFeb 20

The trick is not promising anything you can't guarantee ("I'll call every night" might not be realistic). Keep it simple: "Daddy's coming back on Friday" and follow through.

FFrank D.RegularFeb 20

The guilt of her crying at school drop-off while you're heading to the airport is its own kind of brutal. But your job matters too. It's not either/or.

MMatt W.RegularFeb 20

This guilt is real but also - you going to a career conference is not a bad thing to model for your kid. You can be present in family AND care about your career. The guilt might be worth examining though - is it actually bad that you're gone or is it your anxiety about her being sad?

TTony L.RegularFeb 22

How old before they understand "Dad's coming back on Friday"? Because until they actually get it, any trip feels like abandonment to them. At 6 she probably has some concept but it doesn't really feel real. A visual countdown might help - let her mark off days or something.

FFinn M.RegularFeb 21

3 days is doable. She'll be fine. The crying is real and it sucks but kids bounce back faster than we think. Your career investments matter too.

DDan M.RegularFeb 21

The 6yo crying at drop-off when you travel hits hard. She doesn't have object permanence locked down on a 3-day timescale yet. Will this conference impact your career significantly? Because if it's one of those "nice to go" vs "essential," maybe there's a calculation there. If it's essential, gotta go, but definitely prepare her with a calendar or something tangible.

SScott W.RegularFeb 22

The crying at school IS hard. But consider: you staying home and resenting the missed opportunity would come out sideways in other ways. Go to the conference, keep your marriage and sanity intact, she'll be okay.

TTom E.RegularFeb 22

The career thing is important and your job pays well for a reason - probably because you're good at it and the conference matters. But I'd talk to your kid before you go and explain it really simply, maybe with a calendar or something she can see. And FaceTime each night if possible.