The stress is catching up with me

Nov 281 min read

I've been holding it together pretty well but last week I yelled at my 5yo over spilled milk and then just sat in my car crying for 10 minutes. I'm doing full-time work, my wife just went part-time so I need to be the primary income, we have three kids under 8, and I haven't had a real break in 18 months. Even weekends I'm thinking about work or catching up on stuff. Started having chest pains that turned out to be stress/anxiety according to my doctor. Anyone else hit a wall like this? What actually helped?

13 comments161 views

Comments(13)

SSawyer N.Regular13h ago

This is rough man. Have you talked to your doctor about this? Crying in your car isn't just stress management - that might be depression and there's no shame in getting help.

JJoe C.Regularjust now

Real question: can you shift your wife back to full-time or find other income? Because primary earner + primary parent is breaking you. That's too much for one person.

DDave K.Regular1d ago

18 months with no real break is insane. Can you and your wife trade weekends or something? Like one Saturday a month you get to completely check out? Even 4-5 hours helps.

SScott W.Regular12h ago

Stop. You need to talk to someone - your doctor, a therapist, someone. Yelling at your 5yo and crying in the car is a sign you're at the breaking point. This is burnout and it's serious.

MMitch R.Regularjust now

You need help. Period. Talk to your wife about what that looks like - whether it's therapy, respite care, adjusting work, whatever. But you can't keep going like this.

TTerrence J.Regular5h ago

The spilled milk moment is the canary in the coal mine. I did something similar and realized I was literally running on fumes. Talk to your wife about needing actual support, not just sympathy.

WWill R.Regularjust now

This resonates too much. I had a similar breakdown and finally just told my wife I couldn't do it anymore. We found a sitter to take the kids for 2 hours one afternoon a week. Changed everything.

MMack G.New Dadjust now

Real talk: your wife went part-time which means you're still the primary earner AND primary parent mentally. That's the mismatch. You need to talk about what "primary income" actually means for your mental health.

RRob K.Regular1h ago

The fact that you're aware it's happening is good but also you need actual support now, not later. Have you asked your wife explicitly "I need 4 hours alone on Saturday" or something concrete like that?

CCharlie A.New Dad16h ago

18 months without a real break is insane. I'm not being dramatic - that's actually at the level where you need intervention. Can your wife take the kids for even one Saturday while you just... exist? Not do anything, just exist.

MMack G.New Dadjust now

My therapist told me that burnout isn't about willpower, it's about being in an unsustainable situation. You're in an unsustainable situation. Something has to give - either income expectations, parenting load, or you need outside support.

DDave K.Regularjust now

Okay you need to actually address this before it gets worse. Yelling at your 5yo and then crying alone isn't just stress, that's burnout. You need either therapy, real time off, or some structural change because this isn't sustainable.

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PPat H.New Dadjust now

You yelling isn't great but it's also a symptom of a much bigger problem - you're running on empty. Don't beat yourself up about it. Address the root: you need breaks and support.