Took paternity leave and it's the best and worst decision

Just finished my 12 weeks and heading back next week. The best part was actually being here for everything with our newborn, doing night feedings, being the one my wife could tag in with. Worst part: the anxiety about how work is going without me, losing momentum on projects, my team basically deciding they don't need me as much as I thought. Also the money hit even with paid leave. We're okay but tighter. And honestly I'm not sure the company is going to give me the flexibility I actually need to be present at home too. Thinking about moving companies but that's scary with a new baby.