Being home with the kids is exhausting and chaotic and honestly, I like work more. The quiet, the adult conversations, the tangible accomplishments. But admitting that feels like I'm supposed to feel guilty? Like I'm a bad dad for preferring my job. Anyone else wrestling with this? Or is it just me? lol
You're definitely not alone but I'd push back gently - if you ONLY like work and actively dislike parenting, that might be worth examining. But preferring work because it's less chaotic? That's just being human.
The guilt is societal BS. Dads are supposed to Want To Be Home Now? Nobody told us this job was also supposed to feel fulfilling 100% of the time. You can love your kids and prefer your job. Both things can be true.
The tangible accomplishments thing hits hard. Parenting is all long-term outcome stuff. Work gives you actual immediate wins. That's neurologically satisfying in a different way.
This isn't weird and you shouldn't feel guilty. Work being more enjoyable than parenting doesn't make you a bad dad. You can be a good parent AND prefer work. Both things are true. The quiet and adult conversations are legit appealing.
Have you talked to your wife about this? Like does she know you genuinely prefer work? Because that might actually be useful information for figuring out schedules or workload distribution.
The quiet part is huge. Parenting is constant noise and decision-making. Work is focused on one thing. Different mode entirely. Not better or worse, just different.
Lots of dads feel this and nobody talks about it. You're not supposed to admit that work is less exhausting than toddlers. But it's true for a lot of people. That's okay. You still show up for your kids.
It's not just you. And I think the guilt is worse than the actual preference. Like you can be the kind of dad who shows up and engages AND also deeply enjoys having a break during work hours. Nobody's better off with you feeling guilty about it.
You're not a bad dad for having different strengths. Some dads are natural homemakers, some are better at the work-life balance, some genuinely prefer work. That's just being human.
I'm the same way honestly. I love my kids but I'm better at work. I'm more patient, more competent, more myself. Home is chaos and I'm just managing it. Work is where I actually get to think.
Sign in to join the conversation.
This isn't weird and you're definitely not alone. Work is simpler: you do the task, you're done, nobody melts down. Parenting is 24/7 and chaotic. Of course work feels easier sometimes.