Wife went back to work, I'm struggling more than expected | DadHQ

Wife went back to work, I'm struggling more than expected

Dec 91 min read

She took 18 months off, just went back part-time last month, and I'm realizing I had no idea how much she was handling at home. It's not that I didn't "know" - I knew intellectually - but now I have to coordinate pickups, pack lunches, remember permission slips, all while working full time. I love our kids to death but I'm also resentful that she gets a break and I don't? Is that shitty to admit? We need her income and I support her working, but managing the mental load of everything is brutal.

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Comments(6)

MMax R.RegularDec 9

How many weeks in are you? Because the first month is absolutely the hardest. Once you get some systems down it gets easier, but yeah, the initial shock is real.

AAaron W.RegularDec 10

This is the thing nobody really talks about - you can KNOW intellectually that your partner was doing a ton, but actually DOING it every day is completely different. You're not being dramatic, you're having a reality check.

TTim K.RegularDec 9

The mental load piece is what gets you - it's not just the physical stuff, it's remembering all the appointments, the meal planning, what sizes they wear, what snacks they like. That shit adds up fast.

HHank W.RegularDec 10

Are you able to talk to your wife about what she was doing so you don't reinvent the wheel? Like actual systems, not just 'how do you do it'? That helped us a lot.

SSam Y.RegularDec 11

Real talk: use this as a chance to genuinely understand what your wife was managing and adjust how you split things going forward, even now that she's back. Don't just white-knuckle through it and then go back to old patterns.

PPhil B.RegularDec 12

This happened to us too. My wife went back to work and suddenly I understood why she was so tired all the time. I'd been doing maybe 40% of the mental load and thought I was doing great. Humbling.