Anyone else struggle with the identity shift after becoming sober?

1w ago1 min read

5 months sober here and I'm having an identity crisis. I was the fun dad who could party with anyone, now I'm the guy who orders sparkling water. Sounds dumb but I genuinely don't know who I am without that version of myself. My marriage is healing which is huge but I feel like I lost my social currency. The guys still invite me out but it's awkward. Did anyone else go through this? Does it get easier to figure out who you actually are underneath all that?

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Comments(9)

BBrandonRegular6d ago

Give it time. You might be surprised how fun being present with your kids actually is. Different than the old fun but honestly better.

BBrandonNew Dad1w ago

The identity shift is real, but you're building something better. Being the reliable dad who shows up for them consistently beats any party story.

MMarcus J.Regular1w ago

That sparkling water version of you is still fun, just in different ways. My kids think I'm cooler now that I actually remember our conversations the next day.

BBen H.Regular1w ago

5 months is huge, man. I'm not sober but I respect the hell out of what you're doing. Your kids are gonna remember the dad who's actually present way more than the fun party guy.

EEricRegular1w ago

You're not losing your fun side, you're just redirecting it to actually show up for your kids. That's not boring, that's being a real dad. The fun stuff will come back in different ways.

DDerekNew Dad1w ago

Five months is huge man. Congrats on that. The identity thing is real but you're building a better version of yourself now. Might not feel as fun in the moment but your kids will remember this version forever.

LLucas M.Regular6d ago

5 months is huge. That identity thing is real though. You weren't just the fun guy, you were using that as a mask probably. Now you get to figure out who you actually are sober, and honestly that guy might be even better with your kids. Give yourself some grace while you figure it out.

BBrandonRegular6d ago

This is the hard part nobody talks about. The fun was easy, being present is harder but so much more rewarding. You're doing something really difficult and your kids will notice the difference even if they can't articulate it yet.

JJustinNew Dad5d ago

The best dad I know isn't the one who parties. He's the one who actually remembers what his kids said yesterday and shows up to their games. You're becoming that guy.