Gained a Kid, Lost My Identity (But Getting It Back)

3w ago1 min read

Became a dad at 24. Wasn't planned. One day I'm this guy with guitars and ambitions to be a musician, next day I'm working full time at a warehouse trying to keep it together. Basically gave up music for like 8 years. Don't get me wrong, I loved being a dad, but I was angry a lot because I felt like I lost myself. Started resenting everything. But last year I finally got my oldest into a routine where I had like 4 hours on Saturday mornings free. Dusted off my guitar. Turns out I'm still pretty decent. Now I'm teaching my kids songs and they think it's the coolest thing ever. I'm not the musician I would've been without them, but I'm a better human with them. So it's like gaining a better version of yourself, not losing the old one.

6 comments149 views

Comments(6)

RRyanRegular3w ago

Man, this hits hard. I'm dealing with similar stuff right now in Brooklyn, just trying to figure out how to be present for my kid while keeping some of myself intact. The warehouse grind sounds brutal but sounds like you're already thinking about getting back to the music, which is huge.

SSam T.Regular3w ago

24 is young to have everything flip like that. I respect that you're not just accepting it though. Even if it takes a while, those guitars aren't going anywhere, and your kid's gonna be proud of a dad who didn't give up on his own stuff completely.

LLuke M.Regular3w ago

24 is young to have that happen. My hat's off though because a lot of guys in your situation don't stick around to do the work. How old are your kids now?

SScottRegular3w ago

Getting it back is the hard part. I became a dad young too and yeah, the guitar stuff went on the shelf for a long time. Have you started picking it back up or is that still on the list?

CChris T.Regular3w ago

The identity thing is real and I don't think people talk about it enough. You're not just a dad but you're also not that other guy anymore. Finding the balance in the middle took me years.

PParkerNew Dad3w ago

This hit me because I had hobbies and interests before the kids and somewhere they just disappeared. You're right that you can get some of it back though. Takes intentionality.