Got sober 18 months ago and became an actual parent

Not going to go into detail about the drinking years but basically my kids had a ghost for a dad. Now I'm coaching soccer, helping with homework, actually remembering conversations we had. My ex was shocked when I asked about custody. My oldest told me a few months ago he was proud of me and I had to go sit in the car for a while. I miss absolutely nothing about those days but I'm angry at myself for missing so much. Can't get that time back. Just trying to be present now.