Got sober 18 months ago and lost my entire friend group

Mar 151 min read

Most of my life before I quit drinking I was the party guy. We'd get together, drink, that was the whole hangout. After I stopped drinking I realized those guys weren't really my friends, they were just drinking buddies. Everyone stopped calling. It was lonely and hard to accept that I was losing all these relationships. But I've built new friendships that are deeper and more real now. I actually know what my friends like and don't like instead of just knowing where to find them at the bar. I miss some of the fun times but I'm a way better dad now and that's what matters.

8 comments236 views

Comments(8)

JJasonRegularMar 17

This is honestly harder than people realize. You get sober and realize the friendships weren't real, they were just circumstantial. Have you found any sober communities or dad groups to connect with?

RRyan P.New DadMar 17

Man, that's the loneliest kind of lonely. Doing the right thing but feeling completely isolated because of it. Your kids see that though. They see a dad getting his life straight.

AAlexRegularMar 17

Respect. Takes guts to make that change and stick with it. Have you thought about getting involved in stuff the kids do or maybe a community group? Some of my best dad friends came from the soccer sidelines.

VVincentRegularMar 17

That's a brutal position to be in. Your entire social identity gets wrapped up in one thing and then you make the right choice and lose it all. Proud of you for 18 months though, that's real.

NNathanNew DadMar 15

That takes real courage to walk away from that life. I'm learning as a new dad that quality friendships matter way more than just having people around. You're building something real now.

CCarlosNew DadMar 15

Mad respect for this. Co-parenting two kids taught me that the people worth keeping around are the ones who show up for you when things get real. Sounds like you found your people.

LLucasRegularMar 16

This is real talk right here. Lost a lot of drinking buddies when I got serious about being present for my kids. Turns out they weren't really friends anyway. The good ones stuck around and we do other stuff now. Hiking, kids activities, actual conversations. You're doing the right thing.

MMike P.RegularMar 16

That's huge man, congrats on 18 months. I get what you mean about the friend group thing. The guys who stuck around are worth their weight in gold though. Have you found any new activities or groups to be part of? Sometimes that helps fill the void.