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Got sober 18 months ago, trying to figure out who I am without beer

2w ago1 min read

Used to be the guy who knew all the breweries and could crush a six pack on a Tuesday. Now I don't know what to do with my hands at barbecues. The dad identity got lost somewhere between the hangovers and the blackouts. Being present for my kids' games instead of trying to sneak out early to meet buddies at the bar is incredible though. My marriage isn't a minefield anymore. But I miss the ease of it, the social thing, even the ritual of cracking one open. Building a new identity as the sober dad has been harder than I expected. Working through it though. Anyone else feel like they had to rebuild themselves from scratch?

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5 comments114 views

Comments(5)

KKurt D.Regular2w ago

18 months is huge, man. Honestly the barbecue thing gets easier once you realize you've got way more to talk about now than just beer talk. I found grilling itself became my thing instead of just the drinking part.

KKevin P.Regular2w ago

That identity shift is real. My suggestion? Find something with your hands like I did with the grill. Turns out I'm way more present with my kids now, and they actually want to hang around Dad at parties.

TTylerNew Dad2w ago

This hits different because you're not just losing a hobby, you're losing the social circle that came with it. Have you tried finding a recovery group or community? Some of the dads I know who got sober found their people through support groups instead of bar stools.

MMarcusNew Dad2w ago

Respect for being honest about this. Sounds like you're in that weird limbo space. The good news is you've got 18 months of clarity now to actually figure out who you are. That's not nothing.

DDerek M.New Dad2w ago

18 months is huge, congrats man. The identity thing is real though. I found that when I cut back on the beer culture stuff, I actually had time to discover things I actually enjoyed. Turned out I like hiking and reading more than I thought. What kinds of things are you trying now?