Before: I was a software engineer, bassist, gym rat, whiskey enthusiast, travel guy. Now? I'm mostly just 'dad' with those other things crammed in the margins. Is it weird that I'm cool with that? Like genuinely. Feels like I upgraded from a bunch of shallow hobbies to something with actual weight.
You're not losing your identity you're just expanding it. I started viewing myself as a software engineer dad who also plays music, not software engineer who happens to have kids. Makes a difference in how you think about it.
What helped me was picking one thing to keep for myself. Just one. For me it was woodworking one night a week after bedtime. Kept me sane and my kids saw I still had hobbies.
I feel this in my soul. Used to travel for work constantly and hit the gym 5 days a week. Now my travels consist of soccer fields and gymnastics classes within 30 minutes of home.
The good news is some of that stuff comes back when they get older. My oldest is 16 now and actually wants to hear me play bass. Never thought that would happen.
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The bassment gig and gym routine getting replaced by dad duties is real. But honestly getting to see your kids grow up makes up for sleeping less and never finishing a whiskey neat anymore.
Mostly what though? Did your post cut off or are you still figuring out the answer to that question too?