I don't recognize myself anymore and I'm not sure how I feel about it

DanNew Dad

May 81 min read

Became a dad 8 months ago and everything I thought I was is gone. Used to be the guy who could just pick up and go somewhere on a whim. Could sleep until noon on weekends. Could have actual conversations with my wife that didn't get interrupted. Now I'm covered in spit up, I haven't been to the gym since last year, and I can't remember the last time I did something just for me. I love my son more than anything but I'm grieving the person I used to be. Is that weird to say? Does anyone else feel like this?

6 comments134 views

Comments(6)

TTrevorRegularMay 10

I get it. When my first was born I had an identity crisis for like six months. The trick is you're not losing yourself, you're just adding to it. You'll still be in there somewhere underneath all the dad stuff.

PPedroRegularMay 9

That feeling fades a little. Doesn't go away completely but you start to make peace with it. Just wait till you catch yourself doing something and realize you're actually enjoying the dad version of life now.

MMike T.New DadMay 8

8 months in and yeah, that identity shift hits different. I felt the same way at first, but man, turns out there's a whole new guy underneath who actually likes being home. Give it time.

SSteveRegularMay 8

The spontaneous road trips might be on pause, but wait until your kid is old enough to actually experience stuff with you. Changed my whole perspective on what adventure actually means.

MMiguelRegularMay 8

This is real. I went from spontaneous weekend plans to planning around nap schedules and it messed with my head for a bit. But honestly the new version of you is probably pretty great even if you don't recognize him yet. Give it time.

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DDanielRegularMay 10

Man I feel this in my bones. Eight months in and I'm still trying to figure out who I am when I'm not just 'dad.' The guy who could stay out till 2am is definitely gone. Don't know if I miss him yet though.