Lost my identity when I became a dad and it took a while to get it back

6d ago1 min read

First few years after my son was born I literally became just 'dad' to everyone including myself. Every conversation was about him, every plan involved nap schedules, I didn't have a hobby anymore. My buddy called me out on it and it stung because it was true. Been slowly rebuilding stuff - started running again, joined a league softball team, even picked my guitar back up. I'm still definitely dad first but I'm also just me again. Took about 3 years to figure that balance out though. I think the key was my wife basically forcing me to take time for myself, I was too deep in it to see I needed it.

6 comments172 views

Comments(6)

DDerekRegular4d ago

Did you find ways to get back into your hobbies or interests? I'm wondering if that's what helped you rediscover yourself or if it was something else entirely.

CChrisNew Dad6d ago

Big one right here. The coaching has helped me stay Sam, not just dad. Sounds like you figured out how to be both without losing either one.

KKent R.Regular6d ago

Been there. I finally realized the park became my thing, not just where the kids happen to be. Once I owned it instead of just doing it, I felt like myself again.

FFinn M.Regular6d ago

This is real. I'm just a few months in and I can already feel myself getting sucked into that vortex. Glad to hear you clawed your way back out, gives me hope.

RRobertNew Dad6d ago

This is so real. I'm still figuring out how to be Victor AND dad at the same time, not just one or the other. The co-parenting schedule actually helped me get some of my own time back which made a huge difference.

RRonRegular6d ago

Man, I needed to read this right now. Still in year two of feeling like I'm just 'the dad guy' to everyone. Hoping it gets better like you're saying.